Here lately my sleep schedule has been off. I don’t mean to stay up until 4am, but it just happens. On Saturday nights I take a sleeping pill so I can get up and go to church the next morning.

Well, this morning I was terribly irritable and my stomach was hurting. It was a start of “just one of those days”. Little did I know God had a greater plan.

Our church planned a visit to another local church tonight, they thought they were a baptist church because it says it on the sign. When they got there, they found out different. LOL

I’ve heard the preacher preach before, I’m not a huge fan. I just had the feeling of God telling me not to go tonight, plus I have felt bad today. But above it all, I was listening to God. Which is weird because it’s been one of those “ I HATE EVERYTHING” days, and on those days I’m more selfish than normal and want to do what I want to do. I know WE all can relate to that one.

I ended up not going of course, but Matt did. He comes home and gives me an ear full of how messed up this place is. For one, when it was time to give the ‘love offering’, they threw MONEY at the pastors feet! What?! HUH?! I am just speechless, and a lot of emotions are running through my mind. First thing I thought was I want to vomit, that’s disgusting! And they all went crazy when he first came out to preach, a pastor does not deserve that much attention and praise. A pastor should be a man of God bringing forth what God wants him to preach. It’s not about US it’s about GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some churches make me SICK! There’s a church in Texarkana that seats the people at church on Sunday mornings. They usher them in like a concert or something, which most churches seem to be now a days. You know God is shaking His head at how we act. We are not doing God justice acting this way, it’s plain ignorance and stupidity!!!!

Now in all of this…. Matt and I went to Subway tonight for supper, we were wearing our Life House shirts and the lady making our sandwiches asked us about our church. She said she’s heard about it, and the other girl working got in on the conversation too. Both of them are SICK and TIRED of the way SOME churches are now a days. Matt and I said, our church is nothing like ‘regular’ church. We just had a honest conversation with them, they both said they’ll try and come, we pray they do! We left with smiles on our faces.

So, the point of this is that………….. God uses you and is always there, no matter what. Even when you’re pmsing and feeling like total crap. Even if you are hard headed and things can’t seem to get through. EVEN when you reject God and go down a selfish path. GOD is ALWAYS there, hallelujah!

Thank you Lord for all your blessings! Thank you for holding me and protecting me, keeping me safe! I am nothing without You!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!

Here I am, awake at 3am. I have been staying up way to late, these past few nights, can’t seem to sleep. I tried going to bed at midnight tonight, that didn’t work. I’m excited about this house situation! We made an offer on it today, and they have until 5pm tomorrow to get back to us. It would be great if they accept the offer and things get to rolling after that, but we’re following God on this. I truly believe the only reason this is working out, is it’s God. This whole situation has been smooth to me, and normally I’m freaked out and worried. I just keep on praying that God’s will be done. Matt and I have prayed many times, God if you don’t want this take it away! It’s amazing to see how much we have grown in God, because a few years back, this would have not been our attitude.

Looking back, I never thought we would be here. I thought we’d NEVER be able to buy a house. The way our marriage was a few years ago, I didn’t think Matt and I would still be together. We are though and our lives are about God. Sure, we said they were back then, but didn’t mean it. God has taken us from two people that just made every excuse in the book, to people turning things over to God. To fully say, it’s yours God, your will be done! I don’t want it unless God wants it!!! Because if I do it on my own, and go against God’s will, there’s greater things to worry about.

I never thought we would be at the church we are at now. I never would have thought at 14, when I’m 23 I’ll be in this building again. It’s amazing what God has planned. And we sit back sometimes and want to push God. We feel He needs to hurry up, but it’s not a good thing to rush God. And when you rush, you are only hurting yourself. God knows all, He knows what is fixing to happen. I’ve said it many times, God is perfect, I am not. I would rather have Him running my life, instead of myself. Can’t go wrong with God!!!

I’m thankful I’m not wasting away my life. At 23 I could be into some bad things right now, but I am not. I could have gone down that bad path and stayed there, but I didn’t. God loves me to much to let me be me. He wants to change me, mold me into something of Him. I can’t even look twice at the world, because it’s so tempting. It’s easy to chase it with open arms, but I can’t. Satan comes from all corners and tries to tempt, but he can’t drag me down!

And I say this in almost ALL my blogs, I’m thankful for a Godly husband. Most non-christian men will look at my husband and think he’s weak. He doesn’t know what he’s doing, he’s to easy on his wife and he needs to be doing this and that. BUT I’m glad my husband is who he is. He’s been busting his rear trying to get this house for us. He reminds me to pray when I just really need too. We are there for each other and not in a selfish way, a way of thinking because you help you will get something back. It’s about God, not us. It’s easy for a person to look to themselves. It’s easy for a person to follow there own advice, it’s easy to decide on something and run at it with full force, without fully thinking about it. But thankfully, our faith is in Jesus Christ. Our hope is in Him and only Him. And it may seem stupid and dumb to certain people, and I pray that one day it doesn’t.

It hurts and kills me inside that people are going to hell. I hate that some of my family are going to hell. To see most of them suffering on this earth and knowing they wont be in a peaceful place when they die. To talk to them and they say, they don’t think about the after life. That this life here is all they need and who cares what happens later. I know most of them, if they knew they were fixing to die in 10mins, would freak out and quickly get saved. They really believe in God, but are scared to admit it. They are scared to follow Christ and change there ways. They keep on getting convictions but wont listen to God. A conviction is a blessing, God is calling you. That’s how you KNOW He is real!! You can look around and know He’s real, just by how this earth is made, it HAD to have been God!

Yes, this blog is very random. It’s 3am and my mind is going 100mph. I can’t sleep, so I write what I am thinking.

Until next time……

I heard this song for the first time today, it really hit me hard. As Christians we believe we’re doing our part. We pray, we sing along to songs in church. We read our bibles, we say our amen in church service. Is that all we should do though? Should we forget there’s people out there that have less than us? People without a family, clothes, home, food, and they are crying out for help. Yet, when we see them we walk right past them. We think we’re better and are more focused on our problems.

I heard recently of a certain Sunday School class at a church here in Texarkana. They are going to a different state, to help people there. Yet the people of college hill are gross to them, and they want nothing to do with people IN THERE OWN CITY!!!!

What is wrong with us?! Are we that messed up to think we are that great?! That we are better than anyone else? Who are we to make that judgment? Who are we to even think it?!
You see a homeless man on the street. You might look at him and think awful things about him. But YOU are no better than HIM! And in a split moment, it could be you! With a person passing by YOU, giving YOU bad looks.

We are ALL sinners. Yet we think one is better than the other. Because I gave this and that to the church, I am better. Because I read my bible more, because my clothes look better. What does it matter?! Why are we like this? Why are we self centered? LET’S FOCUS ON JESUS AND HIS WILL!

If you can’t find it in you to love people that look different than yourself, God’s love must not be in you. We’re suppose to love them like Jesus, not like Satan. He could care less about them, but Jesus loves.

I just get sick of the way some people act at times. I am not saying I’m perfect, but I’m just sick of all the judgment and the competition between different churches. I am sick of a church thinking they are better because they have nice sound equipment or because they have nice projectors and big screens. I’m sick of people harping on the music being perfect in churches, sick of the fighting, “we have to be out by noon” attitudes. It makes God want to vomit and myself as well. Because if He doesn’t like it, I don’t either!

I’m going to spend more time in God’s word and in prayer. I’m going to pray for this world of course, but most of all Texarkana. This city has turned into something unholy. With a church on every corner, we are still lukewarm. We choose not to grow, we choose not to hear what we don’t want to hear.

Let’s hear what GOD wants us to hear. Let’s do what GOD wants us to do. Let’s be a vessel for HIM to use. Let HIM use it and not ourselves. Let’s wake up and slap ourselves out of our little own world and problems and focus on the bigger, more important things.